(This piece first appeared in Catalist Magazine, September/October 1995, Volume 7 Number 5.  The author has edited it since then.)

 If I always listened to my loving instincts and never let the voice of ego influence me, I?d be transcending the human experience. The truth is, I stumble rather frequently. That doesn?t mean I?m not trying for clarity; I am. I?d love to have total recall so that everything in the soul?s history was available to me on a moment-to-moment basis? But until that happens, I have to rely on my senses and continue searching for answers. To compensate for my lapses, I depend on what I call The Mirror Theory. It works like this: Whatever I put out into the universe emotionally, the universe reflects back. How? In any way that gets my attention. My mirrors arrive through friends, family, situations, my body, possessions, and a multitude of other ways. The category is irrelevant. Whatever works is the vehicle I value.

During this study of emotional action/reaction, I had an experience I?d like to share. It was so tangible, so obvious, and so accurate that I couldn?t help but write about it. At first, I didn?t realize how this particular mirror was helping me understand a part of my life in confusion. The puzzle went like this: When do I get in gear and do something to help myself, as opposed to, when do I trust that the universe brings me what I need whether I do anything or not? On the one hand, I want to believe that energy receives what it gives all the time. On the other hand, I don?t want to miss an opportunity simply because I don?t understand the nature of balance.

I don?t like to push myself but at certain times, pushing is essential to my progress no matter how much resistance I feel. So the second puzzle became: When is it loving to take an emotional action, as opposed to, when am I being pushy instead of productive? The Mirror Theory has helped me to answer these questions. In theory, if I push for results, I feel pushed by others. Conversely, if I miss an opportunity, I face people in the same frustration.

Trying to understand the concept of action versus trust occurred simultaneously as I was having car problems. The first sign of trouble came on a Saturday morning as I got into my Honda to go to market. I didn?t get far; the battery was dead. Not unusual except that the battery was only two years old. Result: one tow trip to the body shop. A few weeks later, I got into my car to do an errand and it wouldn?t start again. This time, the engine turned and then died. Result: another trip to the body shop. The mechanic gave me lots of excuses to explain why he hadn?t found the problem, but in terms of results, nothing changed. The car was not working. Rather than live with this uncertainty, I took the car to another mechanic and asked for a 50,000-mile check-up, and a thorough investigation into why the engine was stalling. When I got the car back, it worked for two days before the stalling began again ? this time with the added problem of a screeching ignition. The car always started on the second or third try, but I was uneasy. What was festering in there that wasn?t right?

At this point, I decided to sit down and see if I couldn?t figure out how all this translated into growth for me. To begin the process, I made a list of everything the car had demonstrated in the past few weeks.

The battery is dead before its time.
The engine turns over and then dies.
The engine screeches whenever ignition is attempted.

It isn?t necessary for you to know the details of my life to make this story relevant to yours, but suffice it to say that every symptom described above was revealed to me in a problem I had with my own momentum: no follow-through when I needed it most and bold screeches as I tried to make my problem the responsibility of somebody else.

Looking at the symptoms on paper, I realized that the universe?or my soul, or God, or nature, or whatever you want to call this knowledge within ? was telling me in a vivid way how to redirect in order to live more productively. Was I willing to notice the answer? The mirror was telling me what I needed to know about myself. The following is what I discovered:

Just as my car is depending on a battery that isn?t completely charged, I am depending on a direction that isn?t fully charged.

Just as the engine is not getting past the first spark of ignition, I?m not getting past my first spark of inspiration.

Just as the engine is voicing its outrage because a part of its makeup is in need of repair, I am screaming instead of looking within where changes need to happen.

With the help of this mirror, I received the tools I needed for solving the problem. It got me out of my head, where I was always trying to figure things out, into visuals where I could understand the problem and reignite effectively.

After I understood the parallels between my car situation and my personal life, I did the work inside to get rid of the problem. Then I took my car back to the mechanic and showed him the list I made up in the beginning. Every answer I found within my own experience, the mechanic was able to find within the car. It is now running perfectly.