There are few people left in America who are not completely, unabashedly addicted to The Apprentice. The backstabbing. The brown-nosing. The hair.

I admit it. I'm one of them.

Of course, one of the things that make the show and Donald Trump himself so appealing is that patience isn't really his strong suit and he makes no effort to tiptoe around the facts. You don't pull your weight and you're fired. You use bad manners and you're fired. You do something stupid, and, yes, you're fired.

So, I got to thinking. What if we dated like Donald Trump?

Think about it. You'd assemble your top dating candidates for a little head-to-head competition. Would any of the candidates on The Apprentice show up late or forget to call? I don't think so. Why? Because they know that if they did, they'd be history and a bunch of other wanna-bes would be delighted to see them go. The same would be true for dating.

You could assemble ten fabulously qualified eligibles for a month-long date-off. Every week would involve a different dating task, like playing a 7-hour Yahtzee marathon with your parents and crazy Aunt Leona, mall shopping for a dress to wear to your third cousin Mildred's wedding, negotiating a quiet exit in a nightclub where your ex has made a surprise visit, and the bonus round, providing the correct answer to the question, "Does this outfit make my butt look big?" All the while, candidates would be judged on good manners, restaurant choices and the ability to make your toes curl. And, at the end of each week, you'd call a few of the screw-ups into the boardroom (or maybe the bedroom) and let somebody go.

If you really want to weed out the riffraff, go ahead and enlist your very own George and Carolyn to keep an eye on the candidates, offer opinions and report back on any goof-ups.

Why date like The Donald? First, it's efficient. Why go through one lousy date at a time when you can date in bulk? Second, it's easier to see who the really great candidates are (and who is the best fit for you) when you can compare them side-by-side. With traditional dating, you may not realize that old flame from college really was the perfect match for you (six or seven years too late, after they've already been scooped up by somebody else.) And last, well, it just seems like a heck of a way to spend the summer.

And at the end of it all, you'll not only end up with someone who's perfect for you, but also with someone who clearly wants to be there.

Do it right, and you'll never again have to say, "You're selfish in bed, you're a lousy dresser, and my Aunt Leona isn't too crazy about you. You're fired."

© 2004 by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.