Orgasmic response is a beautiful gift worth putting some effort toward achieving. I know of so many women that can bring themselves to orgasm by masturbating, but cannot achieve an orgasm with a partner. If you happen to fall into this category, despair no more.  Asserting yourself will help to put you in your sexual power. By taking the reins you can empower yourself and guide him toward pleasuring you.

If you were abused as a child or in your younger adulthood, you must first get the help to overcome the fear that has resulted in a sexual shutdown. Our subconscious mind needs to delete the negative programming we received during the time the abuse was occurring. I recommend you seek professional help and do the work to release it. Then and only then will you be truly free to open up to love and express your intimate desires.

MIND POWER: Think about anything that makes you hot. Whether it is your husband, the mailman or your closet infatuation with your best friend. Build up that sexy energy in your mind, then let it filter down through your heart and on down to your hot spot. Build that energy, let it flow, this is your life force waiting to explode. Fantasize.

USE BODY LANGUAGE: Send the signals. Let him know your burning. Walk the walk. Dress in something that makes you feel sexy. Quietly walk up behind him and nibble his neck, or brush your breasts against him. You can be subtle or vixen-like. This can be as exciting for you as it is for him...

RELAX: Take a hot bath, giving attention to yourself. Treat yourself like the goddess you are. Use your perfumes, bubbles, and essential oils..Whatever it is that helps you in feeling desirable. Play with yourself a bit, sustain the sexual tension. Slip into that sexy nightgown or teddy.

GO TO BED FIRST: I suggest that your bedroom be the place to start. If you are not living with your lover, it may be less intimidating to be in your own space. Start without him. Generally women take at least 20 to thirty minutes to warm up and become sexually aroused. By now your lover should know your intentions and have a hard one for you! Explore yourself, and become aroused.  Keep stoking your fire...

COMMUNICATE: I know it is difficult for most of us to express what it is we want. Get over it. He's not a mind reader. This can be done in a positive way if you're afraid you'll bruise his ego. Remember that most men would welcome any input, especially if he knows your having trouble reaching rapture.Any partner worth having wants to please his honey and if not, don't waste any more of your time, seek professional help.

SENSUALITY: Now explore each other's bodies, caress, squeeze, nibble, lick, kiss, bite and tease...love each other. Concentrate on the warmth of your feelings for each other and take your time building the energy. Go with the flow of the building sexual energy.

KNOW THYSELF: By masturbating you can learn how your body works when and how you get to certain points of arousal so you will feel more in control during lovemaking and can respond to him.

DON'T WANDER: Keep your mind on what you're doing. Focus on your pleasure zones, but not to the point where it becomes work.

EXERCISE: Regular exercise can build strength and help you to tune into your body and build stamina. Kegal exercises are also very important. By tightening and relaxing the pelvic floor muscles you can tighten up and therefore be more responsive. You can practice these anywhere, while preparing dinner, driving to work or sitting at your desk while writing an article.

LUBRICATE: Do not underestimate the power of lubrication. There are many excellent products on the market that can help you.

LIGHTING: Do it in a dimly lit room. Sometimes we women become so self conscious about how we look...that we have a difficult time relaxing into our lovemaking.

EXPERIMENT: Try different positions. Many women find it easier to climax while on top of her lover. Other women prefer the good old missionary style. Some women can get off while on her hands and knees, with him loving her from behind. Don't forget to help yourself by stimulating your clitoris while in this position, and don't forget the pillows for support so you have a free hand. He can manually stimulate you also, but it is initially easier for you to do it yourself.

MAINTAINING HIS ERECTION: Yes, this does require some maintenance. If he comes too soon, then follow some of these easy steps to keep him from climaxing until you have had your fill.

-Suggest that he breath deeply through his nostrils when he feels like he's is ready to explode. He should keep breathing rhythmically and deeply, until the desire to erupt subsides.

-Pull on his scrotum. Hold it firmly in your hand and give it a steady yank. . Use some gentle force. Without hurting him of course. This helps to interrupt the ejaculatory process.

-When you feel him really going for it and know he is near the peak, pull back before he can go for the last few yards. Then take his erection with your hand and squeeze him tightly from the base of his shaft until you hear his breathing slow.

-Remind him to think of something unsexy. Remember what Austin Powers said in his movie, while fighting off the sexified fem-bots, "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!" That should do the trick!

- A condom can desensitize him for a while so you can go for it.

-Having sex frequently can help him to maintain. Practice makes perfect.

-Regular exercise can help him to relieve stress, and build his stamina. By relieving his tension in this way, he will be less likely to use you for that purpose.

-If you love to perform fellatio, don't over do it. Give him enough to keep fired up but don't let him get to the explosive point!

Do not try and force an orgasm. Go with the flow. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy the sensuality and tenderness of your lover's touch. Explore his body and feel the energy streaming between the both of you. Let your guards drift away and open yourself completely. If you're so knotted up with anxiety the energies cannot pass back and forth between the both of you. A loving partner is a must to help you to unleash your most intimate energies. It will be easier for you to loosen up if you are uniting with someone you care deeply for. I wouldn't suggest any one nighters. It takes patience, caring, time, and sensitivity.

These are only a few suggestions to help you to get started on the path toward ecstasy. As we explore and open up some of the sexual secrets and techniques to reach blissful erotic states remember to relax and have fun!