Have you ever held onto something just because you believed the words that came out of another person's mouth?

 This last year has been one big learning lesson for me. In the past year, I have lost some very great people in my life. One person in particular has changed my life drastically. She's not a bad person; she is actually one of the greatest people I have ever met, but at the same time I have to question myself, because the words she had told me have never matched the actions she has shown me.

 As I said she has changed my life, some good, and some bad. I have been accused of things that have never happened; I have been called things that I have never been. But still, I have hope that those couple of words that came out of her mouth were real. People should not have to question if what someone is telling them is nothing more then a lie. I'm not sure if it was a lie or just misleading the truth. Perhaps it was just time that changed the thoughts of what our main goal was.

 Remember the old saying, "Actions speak louder then words?" Well, the actions have spoken out more clearly than ever now. Did I expect life to go on hold while we took time out to deal with ourselves? No. As a matter of fact, I have been out a couple of times and have people that I enjoy going out with that I could not have done while in my relationship with her. There are nights that I do still shed tears, missing what was supposed to be our "new family," but as time passes I smile more and live life to my fullest. There are times when we are doing things and I think "God, I wish the girls were here to enjoy this," or "WoW she would really like this place," but in the past months the actions have spoken for themselves. When something happens to me, it's not her I call anymore; it's the people that actually do show they care about me. I have had to question myself, "Where does she fit in?" Again, those couple of words that she told me almost a year ago stay stuck in my head, along with the hope that those words would one day change into actions. But, as the Rolling Stones once said, "You can't always get what you want." Time is a valuable thing to waste; you just don't know what tomorrow will bring, or if there is going to be a tomorrow.

 We all have hope in other people, but when do the words that give you hope change into nothing more than words? If it were one of my employees that told me they would do something and didn't do it, they would get reprimanded, but this is someone who told me she wanted to be my life partner and wanted to get married - even through all this - on the date she set in October.

 Have I held onto something that was never there? Did I have hope in something that was hopeless? Those questions seem to be answered by the lack of actions that have been shown throughout this past year. Will I always have feelings for her and her children? That's an easy question to answer: YES! But they're not a part of my life anymore; I don't talk to them, not because I choose not to, but because she has secrets that can't be let out.

 What bothers me the most are the lies about me that have made me a bad guy to some, but the people that believe it really mean nothing in my life. The people that actually know me, know that it's nothing more than a way for her to not feel any of the responsibility for what has happened. A lot of people - no, everyone I know - asks me why in the world I would put up with any of the things she has done to me. She turned my life upside down, lied to me and my kids, and left scars on me emotionally, mentally, and physically. The only answer I have for them is that it was a crazy time in both our lives and those couple of words she said gave me hope that we'd get through it. Well, for me, actions proved it all. We got through it! My hope for what she has said is gone. The lies can be kept. That is not the type of person I need in my life, friend or anything more. I have tried to take her off the pedestal I had kept her on for so long; not being able to; I have decided to just build a new pedestal for someone else, someone that deserves it. For some people, it seems, it's too easy for them to lie on a daily basis. For me that's not so easy.

 There are lyrics by Linkin Park that state "In the end it doesn't even matter." That's right on the money: in the end your words mean nothing. People are not going to remember you said your going to climb to the top of Mount Everest or take your kids to the park. They are going to remember that you DID climb to the top of Mount Everest and that you DID take your kids to the park. Your actions are what tells your life story; if your actions don't match your words, then people perceive you as fake, even if every word you say comes from the heart.

 For me, I now have a hard time taking what people tell me at face value, but my real friends have shown me that not all people just say words, they mean them, and the actions they show makes me believe that most people choose to use their actions to put truth into what they're saying.

 For me, it was a relationship with the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. For you, it might be a boss that keeps promising you a promotion or a friend that keeps saying you're going to go do something together, or maybe even a family member that tells you something that means a lot to you. I would like to thank her for opening my eyes to a lot of things. I hope that she has a great rest of her life. As for me, right now I choose to stay numb and figure out all the things I have learned, not just in the past year but in all the years I have known her. I hope I've learned enough that I will never be put in this vulnerable situation again.